Existential Vacuum and the iSelf
Coming Home to Who You Are
Rather than denying the technological advantages of the digital world, I want to identify one of the consequences of detaching from the essential components that took 150,000 years of Homo sapiens trial and error to achieve a joyful life. What I call the iSelf is the digital identity that an alarming number of good people are choosing to embrace in place of emotional belongingness without ownership. You will hear complaints in relationships about needing to find yourself, that your partner is trying to control you, or that you’re not ready to commit. Although in some cases these are legitimate concerns from relationships with sociopaths, abusers, and control freaks, these complaints may be disguised fear of being decisive and committed to share the beauty and intimacy of relationships with worthy partners. “I need to find myself” is a mask for not being willing to look at how you avoid emotional intimacy by distracting yourself with digital noise (texting, Internet, social media etc.). “My partner is trying to control me,” translates to being so self-absorbed that your partner’s needs become low priority. And, “I am not ready to commit,” is saying that you want to keep your options open to see if something better comes your way.
These avoidances are born in fear rather than malice or human flaws. But nevertheless they compel you to…
