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Betrayal and its Healing Field of Loyalty
According to my biocognitive theory there are three archetypal wounds: abandonment, shame, and betrayal. I believe betrayal is the most painful and difficulty to resolve. It’s deceitful action that devastates trust. In addition to breaking a promise of devotion, betrayal shakes our faith in the best of humanity. Betrayal is not intentional when the misdeed is not grounded on wanting to consciously hurt the betrayed. Although the initial intensity of the pain is not affected by considering the intention, extenuating circumstance must be evaluated before letting betrayal destroy a bond of love. But rather than excuse the betrayal or reduce the blame, extenuating circumstances can serve to facilitate the level of compassion needed to see imperfections as flaws of our human condition that can be harnessed to strengthen character and heal the wound.
How is this possible? Well, here’s where the healing field of betrayal comes in: loyalty: The question is loyalty to what or whom? I am proposing a path that recruits the most exalted human emotions to heal the greatest insult to our trust. But before we can look at the role that loyalty plays in clearing the head and healing the heart, let’s examine how extenuating circumstances can diminish the intensity of the wound. I argue that the precursors of misdeeds set the stage for infamy by eroding nobleness and emotional connection: An insult to self-worthiness. The weakening of the relationship is stealth and insidious, precluding warning that all is not well.
We can view extenuating circumstances as factors to assess the intention of the offender and invite the offended to identify, without self-blame, partial contribution to the conditions for a perfect storm. This reduces the perception of inhumanity in the offender, and allows the offended to judge from a premise of imperfection rather than from the rage of self-righteousness.
Although betrayal is one of the most egregious expressions of our darkness, forgiveness is the strongest evidence for the nobleness that fuels our faith in the worthiness of humanity. But I caution that intellectual resolution is not sufficient because betrayal wounds the heart more than the head. Instead, the healing field of loyalty opens a portal to embodied forgiveness where anger and fear are gradually dissolved with the redemption…
